I’m trying. I really am. My whole life, I’ve been trying. Fuck, when I was in kindergarten kids would run around and play and shit. And I’d just idly sit there, wondering how I had made it that far. How I had survived that long. I was 5. I’ve been through so much that I wish no one ever has to go through but it just drives me insane when people try to cheer me up when I’m down like this. Like, no I don’t have a reason to live. My whole entire life I knew I wasn’t going to live long. I’m just waiting for that day to come when I don’t care about anything or anyone. And that’s when I’ll leave this world, on my own terms. One day.